“The only way on earth to influence the other fellow is to talk about what he wants and show him how to get it” – Dale Carnegie
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
When I started out, I was far below average in talking to complete strangers. Convincing people to listen to my ideas was a struggle. I would even scare my relationships with people that I already had. Then, a friend recommended this book. He explained it would improve me with all of these issues. I immediately pulled it up on my phone and began to read it right there. Eventually, after reading it a first time, I bought a physical copy to highlight in. I also took notes during my second run. Now, months later, I continue to practice with people and use certain verbiage learned from the book. I am great with my communication skills and able to hold a fluent conversation with almost anyone.
My favorite lesson comes from the famous former Prime Minister, Benjamin Disraeli. He said,
“Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”
Below is more advice from the book to help you convince people to invest in your ideas. Comment and tell me your favorite 🙂
Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
When you criticize people, they get offended and begin to justify themselves. I recognized this in myself a couple of times. For example, when people would accuse me and say, “You didn’t do this right.” I’d say, “I did it right, just not the way you wanted me too.” I immediately justified myself, thinking I was right no matter what. So, you must be understanding and suggest rather than tell them they are wrong. Even God judges a man at the end of days.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
Give people what they want, which is to be appreciated, feel great about themselves, and important. Do this by being anxious to praise and hating to find fault. Look to complement and not to complain. Most people look for faults and feel better when they find them. You must look ways to show you are appreciative of your team. They work hard and they will work harder when you tell them the good they do.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
As a salesman, I didn’t realize my job wasn’t to sell to people but get them eager to buy. Show how your merchandise is able solve their issues. And by default, the customer buys. The important lesson I missed was that people love to buy, but hate being sold. To help, use this self-motivator: I love the customer. Get excited about showing others how your product solves their issues.
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak” – Epictetus
6 Ways To Make People Like You
1. Become genuinely interest in the other person
The more people seem interested in you, the more you are interested in them. I usually do this by finding something that we have in common. For an easy example, everyone has a phone. So, if I see someone playing on their phone (everyone I meet), I ask a question. “I have an iPhone, what influenced you do choose that phone?” They explain and I bounce a comment off of that. If it’s a guy, I mention his shoes or some article of clothing, car, or anything common. As a result, we seem relatable.
Simple and easy way to make a great first impression and it warms the heart. It shows enthusiasm, positivity, charm, and charisma. A smile is like saying, “I’m not evil. Talk to me.” It lowers the threat factor wall that we all put up. So, by smiling, you open people up to your conversation and ideas.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
People love hearing their name, period. Use it while talking to them because it helps you to remember it. And as a result, people will trust you more. So, I use a person’s name every two sentences when I just meet them.
4. Be a good listener
Encourage others to talk about themselves: I remember a guy on this dating show said, “Asking questions shows you don’t know how to hold a conversation.” I kept the ridiculous advice to heart until I read this lesson in the book and realized his philosophy was the reason he was on a dating show. I get people to talk about themselves by starting off asking questions. I then relate it to my personal experiences and ask another question. So you must be able to relate in some way to show you are not totally different from the person.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
Once I ask questions, I understand what they like to talk about and talk more about that. This is key in selling: Don’t fish with pizza (your interest) if worms work better (their interest) and then wonder why the fish don’t bite. They give you the ammo to help you take the shot. People who go against this advice would rather use a sword at a gun fight. So don’t be one of those people!
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
Influencing people means being generally interested with enthusiasm! Enthusiasm is the gas in your car to winning friends. Like a car without gasoline, you will get nowhere if you don’t apply enthusiasm to the conversation. Therefore, enthusiasm shows you are sincere and want the other person to feel important.
Today’s Question: What is one way you will influence someone today to help you on a goal you want to achieve? (Comment below to share and help others please)
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